"Keep these seven words and phrases out of your vocabulary."

By R. Bruce Wright, CPCU

Looking for a powerful New Year's resolution? How about, “I resolve to stop using words and phrases that can cause big trouble for me and my system.”  Even commonly used and apparently innocent words can trigger wrong impressions and hurt feelings.

If you have attended one of Synebar’s presentations, such as Post-Incident Review, Behavior-Based Interviewing, or Real Secrets of Safety, you already know how important we think the use of, or avoidance of, certain words can be. I recently received a newsletter from a service provider with an article that reinforced this and reminded me of the power of certain works. Accordingly, here are some of the words and phrases you might want to avoid.

1. They and them.  Consider how people at work will use the simple pronouns "they" and "them" – in contrast to "we" and "us." Here's how Robert B. Reich, former U.S. Secretary of Labor, explained it:
   
   

   "I've been visiting the workplaces of America, administering a simple test. I call it the 'pronoun test.' I ask frontline workers a few general questions about the company. If the answers I get back describe the company in terms like 'they' and 'them,' then I know it's one kind of company. If the answers are put in terms like 'we' or 'us,' I know it's a different kind of company."

   Using we and us puts the responsibility on we and us. Using they and them puts the blame on they and them.
   
   
2. Why?  As in, "Why did you do that?" asked when an employee makes an error. Or "Why did that happen?" when something goes wrong. Try to avoid using the word why in a question about errors. The reason is simple. Why is an accusatory word. A person confronted with the word (and question) Why? often responds with an excuse or diversion rather than an objective explanation. Why questions are concerned with motivations for behavior; we need to focus instead on the behavior itself.
   
   What’s better than using why? Use what or how. As in this question: What caused that to happen? Or, How did this go wrong?
   
   
3. Bad attitude. As in, “You have a bad attitude.” When you tell someone that they have a bad attitude the individual almost always will dispute the accusation. The reason is that defining someone's attitude is a subjective judgment. So telling someone they have a bad attitude gains little and causes hard feelings, resentment, and even more bad attitude.
   
   What to do? Identify the individual's wrong or disturbing behaviors that are interpreted as bad attitude. Then discuss changing these behaviors with the person. [We call this focusing on the task and not on the person.]
   
   
4. But... [My personal favorite bad word. I call it the “great eraser.”] Brian Cole Miller, in his book Keeping Employees Accountable for Results, warns "Never use the word but." (And never use substitutes such as however.) Miller says that but “negates everything that came before it. Most people translate the word but to mean, 'Please disregard everything you've heard up to this point because you are about to hear the honest truth.' Although when giving positive feedback followed by constructive feedback it is typical to bridge the two with but, don't." If you do, you will have erased everything positive you have said.
   
   
5. NO, and its longer variations, such as, “We've done that before and it doesn't work.” No and its variations reject out of hand anyone else's ideas and suggestions. When faced with rejection, creative people who offer up new ideas and solutions quickly learn to keep their ideas and solutions to themselves.
   
   
6. We're laying you off. This phrase – "laying you off" – is often used awkwardly as a euphemism for the words, "We're terminating your employment" or "We're eliminating your job." Generally, employees think of a lay off as a temporary loss of a job. When management intends that the loss of the job is permanent, while the employee hears the loss of the job is temporary, a miscommunication results. Management uses the lay off euphemism to avoid the discomfort and embarrassment of using the harsher sounding term termination.
   
   
7. You're fired! This is an especially dangerous phrase, commonly used in anger rather than deliberatively. When this exclamation bursts from a manager’s mouth, it's usually because that manager has lost patience with an employee or because the boss believes the employee has done something unforgivable.
   
   What's better to say? When anger or impatience urges you to shout out, "You're fired!" it's better to take a deep breath, count to ten, and then use a statement like these: "You're suspended until we complete a review of this situation," or "Go home for the rest of the day and decide whether you want to change your behavior and keep your job."
   
   

If you can keep these seven words and phrases out of your vocabulary, 2009 will be a better year for you and your system!